Falling Through the Cracks

This is going to sound incredible. And yes, I do mean incredible in its literal meaning – impossible to believe. However, it’s not a unique story. When I’ve shared this flaw of mine with others, they too feel like they are in the same boat. What am I referring to? Falling through the cracks, of course.
If my name is supposed to be on a list as the next person to call, I will somehow get overlooked.  If I’m supposed to receive something someone else has promised me, they will forget me.  If I’m the next in line, the line will close after the person in front of me because they didn’t see me there.  Overlooked, forgotten, unnoticed. ALL. THE. TIME. ALL. OF. MY. LIFE.
Sadly, I have passed this malady down to my children. I’ve witnessed them be forgotten and overlooked time and time again.  It hurts my heart.  It makes me question God.  It makes me doubt my worth, but it does the opposite for my children’s worth - - when it comes to them, I think things like “Why wouldn’t you want him at your party?  He is the life of the party.  Why wouldn’t you want her to sit next to you? She is loyal and kind.  How could you forget him?  He just spent an hour with you the other day.  He’s unforgettable.” I undermine my worth and correctly elevate my offspring’s worth in these conversations in my head.  Conversations with myself that quickly turn into a pity party of ‘why oh why are we being overlooked yet again?  How did we fall through the cracks… yet again?’  Then I convince myself ‘it has happened again, because I’m not worth remembering.’
Have you ever told yourself that same lie?  I hope you haven’t.  That one lie has led me down the deepest, darkest rabbit hole of more believable lies.  And that place is a tough place to climb out of.  One that has taken me decades to tunnel through… because just when I think I see daylight; the deceiver sends me on a detour full of shame and worthlessness.  Then I convince myself “no wonder I fall through the cracks; I’m not worth remembering.”
Thankfully, this is not the end of my story.  I thought it was.  Falling through the cracks has always been part of my story, so I just finally surrendered that it was my only story.  The only story I’d ever know.  The only story I’d ever live. The story not worth sharing because it was about me and no one wanted to hear about me.
Then one day it hit me.  “Ginger, when your children fall through the cracks and they are overlooked, you build them up so high, and encourage them so much, that they quickly forget the hurt of being left out and move on towards living the next moment of their lives. Why can’t you do the same for yourself?  You get stuck in feeling sorry for yourself that you only see the few instances of being neglected. Then you completely ignore all the bountiful blessings that surround you daily.”
BAM. WHACK. WOW. What an eye opener!
Now, when my paperwork gets lost, or my phone call is not returned, or my reservation is botched… I don’t automatically blame it on my shortcomings as a human and think “Of course! This is happening to ME again.” Instead, I pause, breathe and remember God is in control and is using this exact circumstance for my good…. Because He loves me and thinks I’m worth it. Not because He wants to punish me and sees me as worthless.  The latter is only a bunch of lies I let the deceiver feed me for too many years.  Don’t be fed the same lies.  God is using these instances for your good… because you are worth it.

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