God CAN and WILL Use Your Brokenness

   October of 2002, I lost my great paying job.  I was the only one working, so this was a blow to our lives.  During that time I decided to start researching adoption.  I so desperately wanted to be a mom.  It consumed my every thought, and since I didn’t work, I had plenty of time to let it do so.  I joined an online chat group that focused on domestic and open adoptions.  Somehow during that I developed a friendship with a woman about 10 years older than me whose 15 year old daughter was pregnant.  She had talked her daughter into putting the baby up for adoption so she could try and have a normal high school experience and finish her education.  The woman’s name was Dora and her daughter’s name was Bri.  Dora started calling me and reaching out to me on a daily basis.  Then she had Bri call me to meet me over the phone.  Finally they asked if Jonathan and I would adopt Bri’s baby.  I didn’t have to think about it much, I knew I wanted to.  Jonathan on the other hand was apprehensive because neither of us was working at the time.  How in the world were we going to afford a baby when we were struggling ourselves?  We shared our financial concerns with Dora, but she wasn’t worried about it at all.  They were not looking for any extra money, just wanted us to cover any adoption expenses.  So we agreed.  This was the summer of 2003 and by the middle of September; we were going to be parents.
   We knew we had to get on the ball of finding jobs and selling our house.  Our house was already on the market, but we had had zero interest.  I started applying for jobs in Burlington, NC in hopes of us moving back to our hometown.  We had been in Shelby, NC for 6 years at this point and we were ready to be near family again.  So we got busy with the job search and the legalities of adoption.  Bri was working with an adoption agency in her state of Colorado.  So they put us in contact with her case worker.  That’s when we found out how expensive an out of state adoption was going to be for us.  It was going to be more than we could handle, especially without jobs.
   Dora did her own research and found out that if we took over custody of Bri and she came to live with us, that would make it a local adoption and we could bypass a lot of the legal mumbo jumbo.  Bri was up for it too.  She agreed to move halfway across the US to live out her remainder 2 months of her pregnancy with us.  We would assume legal responsibility of her and then she was going to willingly give up her baby for adoption to us when she was born.  It seemed like a flawless plan.  It seemed like it was orchestrated beautifully…. Or was it?  I had forgotten to consult God throughout this whole process and I was forcing the pieces into place.  I desired this so much, that I became impervious to any ramifications or things that could go wrong.  Then something went wrong.  Bri went to a wellness baby checkup and they let her hear the baby’s heartbeat.  Later that afternoon I got a very long email from Dora explaining that Bri heard the heartbeat and no longer wished to adopt.  I was devastated.  The hurt and the pain ran so deep.  All I could do was go into the baby’s room we had started setting up and cry under the baby blankets, bibs and clothes.  My heart was wounded and I never thought it would heal.  I literally cried out to God.  He heard me, but He had already been working.  He showed me the most incredible thing that was so unimaginable to me.  He showed me His perfect plan for my life.  Not my whole life, but what was supposed to happen for us right then, in His timing.  A better plan than we ever had the courage to dream.
   As I’m lying across the bed crying the phone rings.  Jonathan answers it.  I hear him say “Yes, she’s here.  Please hold a minute.”  He calls me into the room.  I couldn’t figure out why in the world he would put me on the phone with someone knowing the pain I was in.  But I answered it anyway.  “Hello?” I said.  “Ginger, this is Lisa with Alamance County Human Resources Department.  I’m calling to offer you the position of IT Specialist with our MIS Department.  Do you accept?”  Flabbergasted, stunned and overjoyed were the feelings I immediately felt and I said “Yes!”  She asked me if I could start in exactly one week on August 1st.  She knew that was a Friday, but that was the only way I could get my first full months’ paycheck.  So I agreed to start then.  I hang up the phone and tell Jonathan the great news.  We had been trying to move back to Burlington for over 2 years at this point and it was finally going to happen.  But God did not stop there.  Remember, He heard me crying out to Him just moments earlier.  So as I’m finishing up giving my husband all the details about my new job, the phone rings again.
   “Hello?” I say.  “Hi.  We just rode by your house and saw the for sale by owner sign.  We were wondering if we could come take a look at your home later today?” the voice on the other end asks.  “Of course you can!” I respond.  We work out the house visit details and they show up a little later.  We show them around our home, explain we’re moving because we wanted to get back to our hometown and that I was getting ready to start a new job next week.  They gave us very positive feedback and said they’d call us the next day.  The next morning the couple called back and said they had already been pre-approved for a loan and they could give us what we were asking.  Then she said “I know this is a little soon, and I know it’s Saturday, but could y’all possibly be out by Tuesday?   We need this address for our kids to get into this school district.”  We were pleasantly shocked!  Who could orchestrate this?  Only God!  Only God knew what we were going to need when we needed it.  God kept us in Shelby for a reason and that reason was we were going to need a diversion to pull us out of our misery for our failed adoption attempt.  So to recap, they visited our house on Friday, bought it on Saturday and asked us to be out by Tuesday.  So we were!  Our parents came and helped us move.  We drove our U-Haul to Burlington on Tuesday, unpacked it into a storage unit on Wednesday, we took a breather day on Thursday and I started my new job on Friday.  And since the family who bought our house was pre-approved, there was no long drawn out process for us to go through.  We just had to sign a few papers then sit back and wait for the check to come.  And it came within a few days.  I never had time, throughout all this, to miss our "almost" adopted baby. 
   God created such a dynamic diversion to fill the place of what we had lost.  Not to mention, 2 years later, I became pregnant and we had our own baby.  Then the following year I became pregnant again and we had another.  I’ve since heard from Dora and have seen pictures of her granddaughter and she looks so happy and healthy.  Her mom and dad got married and have been doing an excellent job of raising her.  She is right where she needs to be.  Plus, 15 years later, we still got our adoption story when we adopted 2 baby girls.  We are now a family of 6!
  Paul wrote in 2 Corinthians 12:9-10 "Each time God said “My grace is all you need.  My power works best in weakness.” That’s why I take pleasure in my weaknesses and in the insults, hardships, persecutions and troubles that I suffer for Christ.  For when I am weak, then I am strong."
   God is going to work through my weaknesses and brokenness and use it for good.  God says to me “I know you are going through this thing right now, but you have no idea what I can do with it.”  So I challenge you when you are faced with some weakness or brokenness, don’t ask God to change your circumstances but rather ask Him to use your circumstance to shape your heart.

---